saying goodbye

Today was a day that I have been dreading for a while.... today I said goodbye to my beautiful white boy..... today I said goodbye......... 

This is our first photo together... it was taken in May 1999... my first horse.. a life long dream had come true... I actually own a horse. I have ridden nearly all my life, I have loved these beautiful animals from the moment I knew what animals were. I have borrowed horses from anyone who would share them, but now I have my very own. 

Silver was a great teacher... we learned so many things together, we enjoyed so many wonderful ride (and not so wonderful rides) and each time I could be with him... I feel so  very blessed. Days on the beach were treasures.... and I can bring up the memory of it as though it were yesterday....

Not only do I love this photo for the fun it shows.. but it also has my truck and trailer in the back ground.. because I learn how to handle that as well.......

And because of Silver, Kassy and Sadie were introduced to the world of horses... in this photo, there is Sadie on old Sky and Kassy on Silver... these two wonderful horses would take care of the girls and I never worried when they went out on them.....

We moved to the farm... picking up Tonka, Mocha, Duke, Kringle (now passed) and Twinkle along the way. Sadie on her wedding day wanted to have pictures just with old Silver horse....

And talk about being sweet, Abi could handle him and was always so proud that she could "help with the horses"...

At age 35, I knew the days with him were gifts.. last fall, I talked about putting him down, he was getting so thin, and unsteady on his feet... but too look out in the pasture and seeing him enjoying life.. I just couldn't. My fear was "it" would happen in the winter.. on the most horrid day of weather, and even with the past snows and blizzards, I was checking him all the time. 

Last week, he took a spill in  his stall, I couldn't get him up, and he couldn't get himself up. I called our wonderful neighbors (and horse people) they came in moments, and between all of us, we got him on his feet. But the fall shook him up and he was quite upset. I kept him locked in for a few days, but that upset him too.. he wanted to be out with Tonka and Duke, so I let him decide what was best. 





Then this morning I went to the barn, and walking down, I could see something wasn't right. It was a bitter cold morning and I expected the horses to be inside.. they weren't. As I ran closer I could see, Silver was down, and Tonka and Duke were standing with him. I don't think he had been down long (like not over night) but long enough that Tonka had been standing over him... nipping at him, as though trying to encourage him to stand. I went and tried pulling on him, but he couldn't get up. Too tired and too cold and weak... I called "everyone". 

Ed turned around from work, our neighbors came back.. the vet came out. But I knew... I knew this dreaded day was here..... the vet checked him over and advised "not to try and stand him up.... to just let him go peacefully there.".. Tonka was a problem.. he was so upset and kept getting in the way, so we had to put him and lock him in a stall. He was not happy...... 

I kissed my friend... a friend of seventeen years.... goodbye and headed to the house... it was bad enough to see him laying on the ground, and I couldn't bear to watch his last breath. I left him in the hands of others who would make certain his moments were peaceful and loved.

Fortunately, our friends also own a construction company.. so they promised to come back later and dig a whole. Their machine is huge and could break threw the snow and frozen ground... which was a huge relief... because where do you put a big animal like that. I had dog class to attend .....and of all things... it was the day to return Danny.... so, I wasn't here when the came to bury him.

They told me though, that Tonka was there... he broke threw the snow, and walked to the end of the paddock and watched the whole time. He knew, his friend was gone as well... and so we will cry and mend together. 

Goodbye my sweet Silver boy.... I don't think any girl who loves horses will ever forget their first love......

so, the second part of this horrid day... saying goodbye to Danny as well. Dave called just after our visit to neads and said he had an opening for Danny.... We worked out the plans to meet in Portsmouth and exchange Danny for new puppy Joey. After my experience of the morning, I was close to cancelling it all.... but, the plans had all been made, and honestly, if one is going to cry... it might as well be a good one.  I didn't want to loose the opportunity to have some good photos of myself and Dan.. so despite the already crying eyes.. we took some together on the steps....

My big goofy boy... and all my love and hopes for the wonderful work he will do in the near future go with him.....

He knew right away that I was upset... and insisted on being a lap dog... I apprecaited his trying to make things better....

The day never warmed up.. so even the goodbye in the parking lot was rushed and not as I would have had it. I couldn't do much more than cry and wonder why do I even put myself threw goodbyes like this one. Poor Danny, he really didn't want to leave me and I really didn't want him to go under such circumstances....

I introduced him to Joey.. then gave him a big hug and loaded him into the neads van. I know he will be OK.. I know he will go on to do great things for someone else.....












and I know that one day... my heart will mend and I will look back at this day and wonder how I even got threw it......

Animals.. big and small.. in my life for a very long time, or just a short year.... they play a part of who I am, who I will be and where my life takes me...


but today... it is just a broken heart.....